all these years later it is worth noting that i am okay. i'm not sunshine and roses all the time, but i've finally overcome my Depression and Anxiety. therapy and lots of hard work. i've come such a long way. reading back through some of this reminds me of just how very far it has been ( Read more... )

ok self. you've been consumed with anxiety this past week to the point where it feel like your heart has been ripped out. this is not okay. so here's what we are going to try tonight: write until something pulls loose or you feel better. now go ( Read more... )

i'm blue. it's odd, i wasn't that upset when i left court today for once. but the past few hours i've been trying to play a video game to keep my mind off of things and it hasn't worked. not at all. i finally gave up. i think i figured out what's nagging at me, aside from all of the obvious ( Read more... )

in twelve hours i will be in the courthouse facing down one of the most agonizing events of my life: my divorce. it's taken a long time to get here. fifteen months since i left. eleven since divorce was proposed. eight since we filed. five since i hired the lawyer and we had our first temporary orders hearing. one since our last hearing. can't ( Read more... )

i'm watching Lost in another tiny window. my interest has somewhat waned, but i don't think it's the fault of the show. i feel somewhat discontent. i think it's because my vacation is nearly over and i haven't done a damn thing. i still have plenty i'd like to do, but time is short. worse, court is creeping closer and i have such a sick feeling in ( Read more... )

i've had a sick feeling in my gut since yesterday afternoon. i started out the year so optimistic, but now i feel quite the opposite. i think the emperor must be concentrating on me pretty hard - i feel as though the evil eye is fixed upon me. divorce fears actually woke me up this morning, pulled me right out of sleep. i feel as though i ( Read more... )

it's time for my annual "year according to lj" post. to play take the first line (or two) from the first entry of each month and repost it. let's see what 2007 looked like...

jan: "driving through snow, so thick i could only see five feet in front of me, i had a familiar conversation with myself with unfamiliar results."
feb: "for better or worse ( Read more... )

it's a true holiday miracle: i had a merry christmas. Now i'm basking in the post-holiday glow, feeling happy. what a contrast to the past several years. yet more proof that life without the emperor is not only okay, it's better ( Read more... )

sitting on the loveseat watching my candles flicker and burn. full moon tonight, and it's officially christmas eve. i've felt very off since friday. i hate that the emperor always pulls his shit during holidays or exams. i had recaptured a tiny bit of my holiday spirit, and had been anxiety free, and then...wham, right in the gut. the fact that the ( Read more... )

two more finals tomorrow, and i'm so demotivated to study. i really need to get on it, but yikes. so tired... just one more day. must focus ( Read more... )